Dear Mr. Landsman

Meyer

I’m applying to join a team of environmentally-minded underwater mortuary technicians. We’re going to be operating under a strict set of kosher laws in the waters off Anchorage, burying the pets of wealthy Jews in a coral reef that will reclaim carbon from the decomposing bodies. It’s part of a larger plan to offset carbon emissions in Sitka. I was really hoping I could use you as a reference.

Sincerely and Respectfully,
Twiggy L. Chevaliér

PS – At some point I’m going to need to reclaim my Sitka World’s Fair memorial shot glass. And Berko’s tomahawk.

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